Next Exit (2022)

I am not doing this on purpose, but this is another piece of media about people driven by self-annihilation. I heard about this indie movie on the Feeling Seen podcast hosted by Jordan Crucchiola, when the guest was Rahul Kohli, who was promoting this film. It sounded interesting and I was vaguely familiar with the actor as a Twitter lightning rod for his strident opinions on mostly benign topics that somehow hit viral nerves.

Anyway. This film is premised on a world in which a recent scientific discovery pierces the veil of the afterlife, causing everyday people to get windows of interaction with the shades of the dearly departed. The leading researcher in the field is stationed in San Francisco, and is accepting participants in a "right to die" waiver to track them into the afterlife for study. Two volunteers cross paths in a New York car rental and have under a week to get across the country to make their appointments.

This could be framed as a black comedy with the brevity of my description, but it is more like a mirror image of "Planes, Trains, and Automobiles", except only in an automobile. The two characters are Blossom Rose, who is haunted by her past and Teddy, who is haunted by his lack of a memorable one. Both are hoping that the opportunity to be a ghost will solve their unresolved selves to be at peace with their respective lives. But Teddy haunts Rose with his optimism about making something of his life by being a pioneerij the study of death. And Rose refuses to live but can't go through with ending her own life, so she determines to push away any hope or connection with others, like a cursed Jonah crying to be swallowed by a whale.

I am intrigued by stories about people wanting to be unusual things, and this one explores what could drive a person to want to become dead, even as they have to sit with this decision while on a long drive with a stranger with the same destination. It takes a while, as that is the nature of car trips, and their respective masks and walls begin to dissolve. They were not always hopeless or full of blustery gallows humor, there are memories at their core that they gradually admit to each other. "I was not always this way, but something happened to me and I was overwhelmed by its shadow. I can't see the light outside this dark veil shutting out sunlight and life. I could have been different, but I am me."

The scenery through the car windows along their journey is lovely and gave me wonderlust. The soundtrack builds quiet moments as these two have to weigh their decision for these to be their final days. There is small stories pondering what life means in the wake of this discovery of a shadowed afterlife. What this means for faith and criminal behavior declines in the curiosity of whether there will be consequences for a life when considering the afterlife as a probable fact.

It is a film about death that speaks honestly on what it means when a person chooses to live rather than to fade into a shade or shadow in a cloud of quiet despair and darkness.

We Could Be Rats - Emily Austin

I picked up this book for its title off a library shelf. It was a hardcover book with a pink dust jacket and images of sketched people in blue on a amusement park giant swing.

The contents of the book concern self removal at the least inconvenience to the schedule of other people's lives. It is apologetic and tells anecdotes from a small town childhood where the protagonist and her sister have to navigate a volatile household of parents constantly fighting. The reader learns of the family and people in this small town through the lens of scenes throughout the life of a twenty year old high school dropout with a job at a discount store. There are sweet gems of moments of joy, and honest moments of struggle to communicate just why the road has led to this irreversible, but ultimate conclusion to leave this mortal plane at such an early age.

The older sister of the suicidal young lady handled the trauma of waking on eggshells by trying to appease and make peace, avoiding triggers of conflict. This caused some strain as the younger sister is constantly blundering into triggers, setting off emotional bombs and being blamed for the mess of shrapnel in her wake.

The sisters are both shaped by this household, by their mutual love of their grandmother, who has been an anchor in their stormy waters, and their aunt who was an occasional lifeboat with one oar to try to have a temporary break from the unstable ship, but could only circle them back to where they started.

The older sister headed off to college, as an escape from the small town and it's gravity, leveraging her perfectionist path of coping skills and practice of navigating people's moods.

The book shifts gears both light and heavy with deftness and care. People are imperfect, and can let you down in disappointment from the dreams of how it could be if they cared to stop and listen.

I found this a fast read and tender in a broken spirit of things found too late, and held up like a kaleidoscope to try to make sense of a mundane and monotonous world.

Maniac Magee - Jerry Spinelli

How do you describe this book? It is about a legendary kid, with threadbare sneakers and breakneck speed. It is about an absolute innocent savant, a male Pippi Longstocking. Except he doesn't have a house, a horse, and isn't a shameless liar. He is just Jeffrey "Maniac" Magee, a kid who runs off the page and into the prejudice of a small, divided town.

I read this book as a preteen kid and it captivated me. Rarely do I see an immediate need to reread a book, but this had me in a chokehold for about a year and a half. It was told like a tall tale, but had moments of vulnerable poverty of soul and spirit as this homeless 12 year old survives through persistent and unrelenting sweetness, to take shelter from those with a spare seat, cot, moment, and have their lives changed and beliefs shaken by this strange vagabond child.

He is an athletic savant, with quick reaction time, and blazing speed, who is like Pablo Sanchez in Backyard Sports, preferring to lead with actions and not words. He is beloved by young kids, who see themselves in this innocent big kid who does not understand skin color or cultural mores, as he untangles their "rat nest" shoelace knots and patiently reads story after story to them. He is a paradox who refuses to attend school, but has a voracious love of reading; a kid who is a prodigy at running, but has nowhere to go; a kid who longs for a home, but can't stand still long enough to be pinned down; a kid who loves so hard that he doesn't understand hatred.

He wanders through people's lives like a modern kid Jesus, blessing them with his gifts, but unsettling whispers surround him that "It is straight up unnatural that the kid is the way he is. No one is that good, he must be hiding something awful." He is not a tame kid, but he is good. And though his footsteps are quick, he can't outrun a sorrow fate from the bitterness in the hearts of man.