Brain Droppings - George Carlin

About Mr. Carlin from my perspective: My first experience of him was the 30 second impression he did on Johnny Carson, blending two people I had never heard about.  Not very distinctive or notable - I think it was featured because it was unusual of him to do so.  Later, after he died, I was curious about who he was.  While I deplore of the worship of celebrities or the demigodification of the dead, I think the playwright Solon had a point in Oedipus, "Count no man happy until he is dead." It is a closure of their story on earth, you can now quantify and measure what they did in the dash between birth & death.  Once you are dead, it hardly can matter the subject whether you liked him or hated him, he is done - what can you learn from his life and experiences? How can you employ his successful strategies and avoid his pitfalls? 

"It is necessary for us to learn from others' mistakes. You will not live long enough to make them all yourself." - Hyman G. Rickover

"Human beings, who are almost unique in having the ability to learn form the mistakes of others, are also remarkable for their apparent disinclination to do so." - Douglas Adams.

I agree with both points, but knowledge doesn't always dictate action.  Sometimes we boldly believe that to be forewarned is to be forearmed - that we will break the odds and achieve a different result than what we've been told.  This experimentation is both noble and foolish, usually remembered by the predominant outcome.  Time has a way of clarifying some details, while blurring others. For unremarkable citizens it is like a brick thrown in a swamp - there will be a disturbance, but ultimately, the object will be lost in the muck of everybody else's lives.  Famous people are upgraded to an exclusive pond. This is a mixed blessing depending on whether they tossed a gold ring, murder weapon, or defecation of a life.  Sooner or later, the details will be noticed on the surface world.

So, yes, I started to find Carlin's routines on YouTube and listen to his routines at the library.  I started with his later material.  He sounded like everybody's cranky grandfather who was as sharp as a shiv and a blunt as a baseball bat.  He was like an umpire of the latter pastime: calling traditions of society and culture out for overstepping reason and questioning the safety of major players regardless of their star power.

Currently, I am in the midst of "Brain Droppings," a collection of routines, observations, ideas, and grumblings about the world as it is without much filler of whining about how it "should be."  Whenever he proposes an idea, it is often sound, but impractical: He doesn't demand that people do it his way.  He made a living laughing at America for not learning from their mistakes.

From the introduction: "By the way, if, by any chance, you folks do manage to straighten things out and make everything better, I still do not wish to be included." 

In an article about politically correct speech, he agrees to the convention if so desired, but admonishes that it is condescending and inefficient to use it.  In doing so, it only makes the white, liberal, rich portion of America feel good about imposing labels on minority groups. 

"Clearly, there are victims, but I don't agree that these failed campus revolutionaries know what to do about them. When they are not busy curtailing freedom of speech, they're running around inventing absurd hyphenated names designed to make people feel better. Remember, these are the white elitists in their paternalistic customary role: protecting helpless, inept minority victims. Big Daddy White Boss always knows best...

It's just so much liberal BS. Labels divide people. We need fewer labels, not more.  Now the Indians. I call them Indians because that's what they are. They're Indians. There's nothing wrong with the word Indian. First of all, it's important to know that the word Indian does not derive from Columbus mistakingly believing he had found 'India.' India was not even called by that name in 1492; It was known as Hindustan. More likely, the word Indian comes from Columbus's description of the people he found here. He was an Italian, and did not speak or write very good Spanish, so in his written accounts he called the Indians, 'Una gente in Dios.' A people in God. In God. In Dios. Indians. It's a perfectly noble and respectable word.

So let's look at this p. bs trendy phrase, Native Americans. First of all, they're not natives. They came over the Bering land bridge from Asia, so they're not natives. There are no natives anywhere in the world. Everyone is from somewhere else... As far as calling them 'Americans' is concerned, do I even have to point out what an insult this is? We steal their hemisphere, kill twenty or so million of them, destroy five hundred separate cultures, herd the survivors onto the worst land we can find, and now we want to name them after ourselves? It's appalling. Haven't we done enough damage? Do we have to further degrade them by tagging them with the repulsive name or their conquerors?" 

Carlin goes on to say that this nationality of people would much prefer to be identified with their tribal heritage than the inventory category of "Native Americans."  This title was invented by the U.S. gov. Department of the Interior in 1970.  This is not something I have learned in school, nor would I expect it.  Carlin might be a cynic at times, but he is quite insightful in his criticism of popular beliefs and thoughts.

In a later satirical piece entitled, "Legal Murder Once a Month,"he suggested that the government allow people to kill a selected person in a categorical theme once every 30 days.  Population control, an outlet for pent up rage and frustration, have to do it yourself or forego the window completely.  At the end however, he brings it to an observation. "When it comes to the taking of human life, the federal government doesn't want free-lance competition. Life is cheap, never forget it. Corporations make marketing decisions by weighing the cost of being sued for your death against the cost of making the product safer. Your life is a factor in cost-effectiveness. So when you talk about murder, don't confine your discussion to individuals. Besides, there's nothing wrong with murder in the first place. Murder is a part of life. My society taught me that. And my species is really good at it. I belong to the only species in the history of the world that systematically tortures and murders its own members for pleasure, profit, or convenience... Most animals, when fighting one of their own, will show aggressive behavior, but very little hostility or intention to harm. And when the outcome of the struggle is inevitable, the losing animal will signal its defeat by exposing its most vulnerable part to the victor, affording it the opportunity to finish the kill. The victor then walks away without inflicting further harm. These are the creatures we feel superior to."

I don't agree with him on all points, but he provokes me to understand why I do not.

On World Peace achievement, Carlin has two plans: Worldwide dancing.  Because it is hard to coordinate or sustain for a year as would be preferred, he limits it to a 24-hour period on a designated day.  "During the actual dancing, no fighting would take place. But the plan would also tend to reduce violence during the remainder of the year, because for six months following the dance, everyone would be talking about how much fun they had had, and for the six months after that, they would be busy planning what to wear to the next year's dance."

His other plan is "World Peace through Formal Introductions," in which everybody must meet everyone else on earth, shake hands, and remember one outstanding physical characteristic. "My theory is, if you knew everyone in the world personally, you'd be less inclined to fight them in a war: 'Who? The Malaysians? Are you kidding? I know those people!'"   The two problems to this is the logistics of how to manage it on a grand complicated scale, and the time difference it would for a Russian to say their mouthful of a name against the brevity of a Chinese surname.

One of his more memorable sentiments is: "That's why they call it the American Dream: You've got to be asleep to believe it."

Other brief musings and thoughts I have liked so far:

Hypothetical book titles: 

Eat, Run, Stay Fit, and Die Anyway.

You Give Me Six Weeks and I'll give You Some Bad Disease.

Earn Big Money by Sitting in Your Car Trunk.

I Gave Up Hope and It Worked Just Fine.

A Complete List of People Who Are Not Making Progress.

Ten Things No One Can Handle At All.

How To Act Laid-Back During a Grease Fire.

How To Milk a Dog While It's Sleeping.

How To Get a Tan With a Blow Torch

How To Lure a Weasel Into a Cardboard Box.

How To Convert an Old Leather Chair into Twelve Pairs of Shoes.

How To Lease Out the Space in Your Nose.

Redundancies:

ATM Machine

PIN Number

Common bond

coequal

security guard

time clock

convicted felon

foreign imports

past experience

small minority

"If something in the future is cancelled, what is cancelled? What has really happened? Something that didn't occur yet is now never going to occur at all. Does that qualify as an event?"

"Sometimes on television they tell you a product is 'good for headaches.' I don't want something that is good for headaches. I want something that is bad for headaches. And good for me."

"If a man smiles all the time he's probably selling something that doesn't work."

"Some people see the glass as half-empty, some see the glass as half-full. I see the glass as too big."

"When you find existing time on a parking meter, you should be able to add it to the end of your life. Minus the time you spend on hold."

"I don't have to tell you it goes without saying there are some things better left unsaid. I think that speaks for itself. The less said the better."

"When someone is impatient and says, 'I haven't got all day,' I always wonder, How can that be? How can you not have all day?"

"Where does the Dentist go when he leaves you alone?"

"If I had one tooth, I think I would brush it for a real long time."

"If you get cheated by the Better Business Bureau, who do you complain to?"

"A lot of times when they catch a guy who killed 27 people, they say, 'He was a loner.' Well of course he was a loner; he killed everybody he came in contact with."

"How can crash course and collision course have two different meanings?"

"There's an odd feeling you get when someone on the sidewalk moves slightly to avoid walking into you. It proves that you exist. Your mere existence caused them to alter their path. It's a nice feeling. After you die, no one has to get out of your way anymore."

"If a painting can be forged well enough to fool experts, why is the original so valuable?"

"The lazy composer still had several scores to settle."