Diary of a Country Priest - George Bernardos

This is a book to depress the hell out of me, but it has not often raised my gaze heavenwards.
It is a tale of a struggling poor priest in a small parish who is too earnest for his physical frailties.
He has high standards for what he wants to be, what fruits he wants to bear of his faith.
He wants to reflect well on the glories of heaven, but the things of earth complete for his allegiance.

There is a balance between spirituality and practicality. Of seeking the counsel with the Almighty God's guidance, while not neglecting to eat your next meal and serve the Body down here.
The priest wrestles with this balance. He laments his poverty, but admits that he didn't have the ability to be a man of business or a laborer. This is the course he chose and the church is his meaning and mission.

But he struggles to communicate himself clearly to those around him. He is burdened with a gut wrenching feelings of both spiritual and physical constipation. He dances in agony trying to release his internal ruminations to the outside world. But his flock and his fellow clergymen turn up their nose at his idealistic offerings, gently reminding him to get through the next day. He swings for the fences when those on his team would be more contented with him connecting to the pitches thrown his way.

He is dependent on the gifts he receives from his parishioners, patrons, and peers. This beholdenness leaves him in a constant state of guilty gratitude and debt to others.