Ladybird & Bella

I just got home after watching Greta Gerwig's film "Lady Bird." It impacted me enough to warrant comment & consideration to reawaken this medium.

I went into the film knowing little. I had heard that it was by a lady director, which is sadly worth mentioning, given that women being free to direct shouldn't be a notable aspect. And that it was getting some attention as being a good film. I liked the sound of both of those without wanting to know more and have expectations as to the content of the film. I like being surprised and having to pay attention to what is going on to understand the context of the story.

Lady Bird is a coming of age arc of a Sacramento catholic high school student in the early 2000's. Catherine MacPherson wants to be known as "Lady Bird," and wants more than the stagnant promises of her hometown. She doesn't fit into the preppy wealth of her classmates in the school - her parents scrimp & save to allow her the opportunity of a good education in a safe environment.
There is a tension between Catherine & her mother as their relationship shifts through Catherine wanting to have the freedom to explore who she is & might become. Her mother wants to help her daughter achieve her goals, but there is only so much she can do. Both are frustrated by the family financial situation not allowing them breathing room to indulge Catherine's dreams and aspirations. Her mother tries to keep her daughter grounded in realistic expectations - Lady Bird, as Catherine insists she be called, is not an exceptional student, and the family doesn't have the money to pay for an out of state education in New York that she wants.

Catherine feels trapped & cornered, and lashes out at her mother's criticisms as being unsupportive. Neither mother or daughter can find the right words to communicate, and often the wrong choices of words are used instead. Both characters are flawed, neither one is the villain, and the dynamics are painfully real at times. I admire how the writing and actors mesh to form a dimensional cast of characters.  The film has some powerful portrayals of relationship dynamics among friends, dating, cliques, parents, & authority figures at the school. The editing is efficient in showing important moments to show the impressions of these on screen without dragging out the length of the film.

The complicated relationship of the mother & daughter really hits home. The actions of Catherine's mother demonstrate her love for her daughter, and Catherine knows this, and knows that she is asking more than her family can provide. But Catherine wants desperately to be able to have such things, partially so that she can demonstrate back how much their sacrifices have paid off. But meanwhile, she is a teenager with dreams, nothing to show for them yet, and is frustrated with her present situation and the slimness of her chance of ever escaping the fate of a mundane lifestyle.

This movie reminded me of how much I should appreciate my parents for all they have done for me. Lady Bird ends on a note that just feels apt, life happens like that. Endings are a hard thing to stick, & I was okay with where it landed. It took me the drive home to sort out and marvel on how it was done. I probably will not watch it again, but it was well done & a story conveyed well. I am happy it was made & hope that it inspires others to tell their own stories that only they can show.


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Recently, I revisited the film "Bella." It also deals with the idea of motherhood & how difficult it is to consider raising a child when you are barely scraping to support yourself. I like how this film deals with family, food, and futbol. And how the three are not mutually exclusive interests. The family in this movie is so full of joy, compassion, and love that I enjoy seeing its portrayal every time. For such a short window in the movie, it is memorable and important.

The majority of "Bella" takes place in the course of a day in New York. A waitress reports in late for a job and is fired by the owner. The owner's brother is the head chef, and follows the girl out to find out why she was late & learns it was due to her finding out that she was pregnant & has nobody in her life on which she can lean on for support. The chef asks if she needs a friend with whom to talk about this situation, given her earlier admission. He quietly listens as she tells about her background of how she got here in this situation, and explore her options in the future in regards to a new job & what to do with the pregnancy.

Through the course of the day, both the chef & the waitress learn more about each other's past lives and how their paths led them to where they intersected that day. It is a quiet movie, and it shows things rather than telling. And the images used convey the emotion of the story very well. Bella means beautiful, and it is a beautifully simple film.

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Both films made me cry
For this I am not ashamed
Sometimes life is pain

Chronicles of a Sojourner #2

I find life and its participants to be a great source of amusement and fascination. Sometimes to the point of objectifying those around me, just to see their actions from a different perspective. The friends that I hold to be the most dear are those who listen and smile as I rant and muse about my stream of consciousness.

I am unique, just like everyone else. I keep on absent-mindedly returning to the phrase -"We are not physical beings in a spiritual world, but spiritual beings in a physical world." It is a curious and intriguing frame of thought for me. If I am a spirit, then the logical consequences of my actions could be defined as spiritual interaction. The way I choose to invest my time will reflect and shape my spirit or soul.

There are some moments in life in which I find that an emotion appeals to me at a deeper level than usual. At these spaces in time I am faced with a decision - do I want to savor the intricacies of such a mood, or should I pull back in a show of self-control and root myself in reason. Such self discipline will be needed as a part of the character that I would emulate to become.

However, the times when I feel moved cause me to passionately pine to do more with the skills and time given to me. I am in a formative time in my life. Will I build a practical foundation for my future, or merely enjoy and exercise my freedoms to amuse myself in the present. (To live in the moment.)

The ideal is for a balance of both measures in an attitude of moderation. Today, I find the greater temptation is to spend what you are given while you still are in the condition to do so. To trade your money for time, rather than your time for money. Both of these routes have their pros and cons. Both are allowed freedoms that, taken to an extreme, can become a subtle form of bondage.

Your habits can form a cage around you that is comfortable to your needs, you may even be unconscious of your captivity. The bars serve to protect yourself from the aspects of life that are unpleasant or exhausting to consider. Their function is to keep the world at an arms length until you feel like inviting others inside the boundaries your personal realm.

Unfortunately, all it takes is one observant person to see through your absorbed view of the world and find it to be false. That the exorbitant price to pay for your perspective is not worth the price of admission. Cages will collide, damages will be sustained, and the repairs can be either forgiven or used as an excuse for a pity party.

I try not to fall into this caged frame of mind that has been re-branded as a "comfort zone". I do not always succeed, I am at fault more times that I care to admit, but that is not a deterrent from skirting the issue. I do not want to be either mediocre or self-important.

I want to have the ability to see the truth of things as they are, not as people try to shape them to be. I have not mastered the art of discernment, it will take years of concentration and dedication. The motivation for this is not to mock the world for being, as Holden Caulfield put it, "Phony". I want to be able to understand and coax others into being freed of their constructed filters and to see the wonder of life as if through the eyes of a newborn.

This earth has so much to offer, and I take too much for granted. It gives me a delightful chill of gratitude to realize that I have all that I need before me. Money will come in time, it need not be a worry. My family loves me unconditionally, whether I merit such favor or not. My true friends will treat me as I deserve to be seen, their eyes see through my facades that I instinctively raise as part of the everyday. What I really admire about my friends is the undisguised joy that they exhibit when encountering the everyday existence of life.

The Beauty of a lily, the Music of the songbirds, the Ability to labor for their sustenance, the Sigh of satisfaction after knowing that you put forth your best effort. Friends are not given, they are to be courted, encouraged, and acknowledged as a special part of your life. With the way my friends live their lives, it inspires me to venture beyond the walls of what I know, into the glory of the untrodden soil.

This post is somehow dedicated to my friends to whom follow this project of mine, and put up patiently with my petitions for readership.